"Lost in America," Wall Street version: We're the Schmucks

Refunds at the Casino, Courtesy of Taxpayers

In my favorite scene in one of my favorite movies, "Lost in America," a distraught couple makes an impassioned plea to the casino manager to return all the money that the gambling-addict wife has just lost.

The LA-based couple, played by Albert Brooks and Julie Hagerty, had just decided to drop out of the rat race, sell all their belongings, and use the proceeds to travel cross country (in a mobile home, yet).

They make it as far as Las Vegas before Hagerty's' character blows their (sizable) nest egg playing craps.

Broke and desperate, Brooks' character, a marketing guy, has a brainstorm: the casino should give them all their money back as a public relations stunt!

He pitches the casino manager:

What about a billboard with my wife and I on it and we would be smiling and there would be a saying, something like, "These people . . . lost their nest egg at The Desert Inn, but The Desert Inn gave it back." And maybe there could be some kind of a visual with you handing us an egg or something. Now I mean, I'm just formulating this now, as I'm talking, but you can imagine, when it's worked out how effective it could be.

Picture this: maybe, my wife and I will do a television commercial for you and there could be a jingle and it could go: (begins to sing) "The Desert Inn has heart! The Desert Inn has heart! The Desert Inn has heart!" Something like that. See what I mean?

Here's how the casino manager, played by a pitch-perfect Gary Marshall, responds:

I gotta tell you, this is one of the best things I've ever heard. What's the board gonna say again? "Gamblers, come and get your money back." Great. That's great.

He continues:

Let's assume you're serious here. What if this caught on? Could you imagine what would happen? Why, we would have to return everybody's losses. The casino would just crumble. We couldn't pay our bills. You know the casino accounts for a great deal of our profits.

Albert Brooks then tries to explain that the casino wouldn't make everyone whole:

I understand. Of course, you don't pay back everybody's losses. You make a distinct division between the bold, who are out there searching, and all the other schmucks, who come here to see Wayne Newton.

No go (it turns out Gary Marshall's character is a Newton fan).

Here's how things conclude:

Brooks: And just so I understand, we can't get any of our money back, right?

Marshall: Well, not today, no. But if the policy ever changes, we'll write you. (still chuckling as he goes back into his office) That's wonderful. Very good.

If only this scenario had played out in real life.

Imagine, when Henry Paulson had gone to Congress with his request for $700 billion in TARP money, he'd been told: 'good luck to you and stay away from the tables next time.'

Instead, when Wall Street asked government for its money back, it -- us -- gave it to them!

Lost, indeed.

P.S.: guess who the "schmucks" are?

John Paulson's Billions

How the Billions Are Made Today

John who?

If you didn't know, John Paulson (no relation to former Treasury Secretary and Goldman Sachs chief Henry Paulson), apparently is the guy who's made the most money the last two years or so. In the world.

After making $4 billion or so in 2007, Paulson made another $4 billion last year. Himself. As in one person.

For that kind of dough, you'd figure Paulson must have done something truly amazing.

Like cure a disease. Or design a better, faster computer. Or come up with a more productive, pest-resistant strain of rice (like Norman Borlaug, who just past away, did).

So, is that what Paulson did?

Nah.

Paulson made his money running a Wall Street hedge fund that figured out how to use exotic credit instruments ("collateralized debt obligations," "structured asset-backed securities," and the like) to bet on falling housing prices.

Needless to say, his ship came in, big-time.

Paulson's certainly better off.

Are we?

P.S.: Show me an economy where the big winners create nothing of real value -- or worse, benefit from exploiting market excesses and dysfunction -- and I'll show you a dysfunctional economy.

Immoral Hazard

Tasty Financial Nugget

This is the best financial "nugget" I've come across discussing the current state-of-all-things financial the last few weeks. Enjoy (or not):

The failure of a few companies is not evidence that capitalism has failed but evidence that it is working. Failure sends a message to other market participants that the practices that caused the failure should be avoided. That message applies not only to private companies but to the government institutions that also failed us in this crisis. Attempting to return to the status quo rather than allowing private company failures and reforming failed government institutions does not advance us as a society. It mires us in mediocrity.

--"A Colossal Lack of Judgment"; Alhambra Investments (7/19/09)

You can't put it more succinctly than that . . .