Trust "The Experts?" Don't.

The Wall Street Journal . . .
or The Onion?

Sometimes -- OK, a lot of the time -- I think The Wall Street Journal needs a meta-editor.

Their job?

To spot risible inconsistencies and contradictions between articles literally on the same page.

Or, if you're reading online, between articles barely centimeters apart.

Are They at Least Different Experts?

So, The Journal's Web home page today features a video with this title: 'News Hub Extra: Homes Sales Drop Surprises Analysts.'

Meanwhile, scarcely an inch away, is this quote:

Many economists expect housing declines to continue into at least next Spring, erasing most of the gains made since prices bottomed out in early 2009.

--"Housing Recovery Stalls"; The Wall Street Journal (12/29/2010)

See what I mean?

Next Spring, look for yet another installment of "surprised analysts" coupled with "housing experts' latest predictions."

P.S.: Today's Journal contains no fewer than three articles on the housing market, including the lead (print) article, excerpted above, and a piece in the "Money & Investing" section titled, "Housing Market is Still Facing a Blizzard."

Post-Election Headlines

"Democrats Lose House?!"

If current trends hold, how much do you want to bet that at least one major newspaper (OK, maybe just The Onion) runs some variation of the following headline:

Banks Balk at Short Sale,
Dem's Lose House

Not necessarily fair -- but more than a little true . . .

P.S.: I'd sure recommend title insurance for the Republicans, though.

"Cambria Style" Magazine

The (Pen)ultimate in Product Placement

Let me be the first one to recognize -- and applaud -- innovative marketing ("The Brilliance of Redbox").

I'm just not sure that "Cambria Style" qualifies.

In essence, the magazine, put out by the makers of the counter top material, flips the usual ratio of proprietary content to commercial advertising -- call it 80%/20% -- to 20% proprietary content, and a very top-heavy 80% advertising/product placement.

And the 20% content ain't so hot.

So, readers are treated to glimpses of Mariel Hemingway's home and lifestyle -- and how both are enriched by cambria.

"Pergo Panache"

Sorry, I just don't buy it.

I found the article -- or what little of it I read --boring.

Plus, I just don't get the building material-as-magazine subject premise.

What's next, "Pergo Panache?" "Formica Flair?" (er, laminate)

P.S.: On other hand, whoever thought that day-time TV would ever be sponsored by detergent makers? (hence the name "soap opera")

"Tree Removal Services, Tree Removal Extra"

Ala Carte Pricing

No, that's not a headline from The Onion; that's how tree removal contractors really charge.

In the course of collecting a couple bids last week, I discovered that the quoted price for at least two local companies only includes cutting down the tree.

Removing it is an extra charge.

So is getting rid of the stump (does anyone really want it left??).

And all that's before tax.

What's next?

Surgeons whose "base fee" doesn't include sewing you back up??

The "Driver Ed" Response to the Financial Crisis

Geithner: 'Increase Financial Literacy'

I wish it were from The Onion, but unfortunately, it's not:

While Americans from Wall Street to Main Street focus on much-needed financial reforms that will set and enforce clear rules across the financial marketplace, we also need to recognize that most Americans don't have the knowledge and skills they need to make the right financial decisions for themselves and their families.

--"Using Education to Cope With a Complex Economy"; The Huffington Post (4/27/10)

Imagine just witnessing -- OK, living through -- the biggest (financial) freeway crack-up in almost 80 years.

The proximate causes (in order)?

No speed limits; defective cars; and no highway patrol (although if they're no speed limits, exactly what are they enforcing?).

The solution(s) to the foregoing would obviously be: going 55 mph (vs. 200 mph-plus); well-designed cars; and cops.

So, is that what Timothy Geithner (Treasury Secretary), Arne Duncan (Education Secretary), and Valerie Jarrett (Senior Obama Advisor) -- co-authors of the piece quoted above -- are calling for?

Not exactly.

They think the solution is for average Americans to become more financially literate.

In other words, prevent another financial crash by focusing on . . . better driver ed.

SNL on Goldman Sachs

Betting On Its Own Lawsuit??

Best line (to date) about the SEC's fraud case against Goldman Sachs is this nugget from "The Weekend Update" segment on Saturday Night Live:

Goldman Sachs was accused Friday by the Securities and Exchange Commission of fraudulently selling mortgage-backed securities to its customers. If convicted, the firm stands to make $10 billion.

Can The Onion top that?

Trading Parking "Birthright" for a Mess of Pottage?

Chicago & Privatized Parking

In an effort to streamline unethical practices and boost illegal profiteering, Mayor Richard M. Daley announced sweeping new plans Monday to overhaul his city's "antiquated" system of graft.

According to Daley, Chicago's once-great fraudulent institutions have grown obsolete, and City Hall is no longer bilking taxpayers out of as much money as it once did.

"It's been business as usual for too long in Chicago, and now it's time to find more efficient ways to misuse authority for personal gain," said Daley, who has served as Chicago's mayor since 1989. "We must modernize our illegitimate activities right now, today, before it becomes impossible for public officials to act in my best self-interests."

--"City 0f Chicago to Modernize Outdated Graft Programs"; The Onion (3/27/2010)

So, a financially strapped government facing a yawning budget deficit enters into a deal -- brokered by Wall Street -- to sell its rights to a steady stream of cash payments in perpetuity for a one-time, lump sum payment.

Greece, right?

Try, the City of Chicago and its parking system.

Since striking the extremely unpopular deal last year, Mayor Richard Daley has been castigated for selling the rights to the parking system for a relative pittance.

Exacerbating matters: the private corporation now in charge immediately raised parking rates city-wide, and extended metered hours (they now include Sundays, till 9 p.m.!).

Except instead of parking meters -- which were all removed -- there are now kiosks in the middle of each block (pictured above) that dispense stickers with timed expiration dates.

What's the significance of that?

With no more marked parking spaces, you can squeeze in more cars. And it does away with driver #2 inheriting any "unused time" left on driver #1's meter.

Good thing Minneapolis is running a budget surplus, and won't be tempted by such short-term gimmicks!

Goldman Sachs' 2010 Encore

Paying Tribute -- Financial & Otherwise -- to Wall Street's Lords

After emptying the U.S. Treasury (and then some) while crashing the global economy and pocketing billions in pay the last 18 months or so, what do you do for an encore in 2010?

Before The Onion gets a hold of the idea, I thought I'd take my best shot. Here goes:

New York, NY (1/8/10) -- Senators Charles Schumer (D-NY) and Christopher Dodd (D-CT) introduced legislation today that would revive the Medieval practice of droit de seigneur, or "right of the first night." As practiced during the Middle Ages, it allows the lord of an estate to take the virginity of the estate's virgins.

"It's the least we can do for our esteemed Wall Street leaders," Sens. Schumer and Dodd said in a prepared statement. "After all, we have them to thank for our vibrant economy, stable financial and housing markets, and record employment."

As . . uhh . . conceived by Senators Schumer and Dodd, the "right of the first night" would initially only apply to Goldman Sachs' 800-plus managing directors. After the system is fine-tuned, it would eventually be extended to top executives and traders at other firms.

According to Senator Dodd, issues yet to be resolved include whether the right should be extended to Goldman Sachs' female managing partners; harmonizing the legislation with existing U.S. laws against infidelity and sexual harassment; and how to exempt the families of members of Congress.

"We're confident we can reach quick, bi-partisan agreement on all of these matters," Senator Schumer enthused.

Far-fetched? Let's hope so.