Translating Realtor-Speak

English, Please!

LL/BR is non-conforming. Lkbx on Bk dr. Frnt prch/crftsmn wdwrk/ tiled bath/gleaming Maple flrs/HVAC-elect '05, oven '09/lrg walkin closet/maint-free ext./prof lndscpng/gorgeous 3 seas porch! Wkshp in gar.

--Excerpt from actual MLS listing

With only 256 characters and spaces in MLS's Agent and Public remarks fields, there is natually a temptation to try to cram too much information in.

One way to do that is truncated words and abbreviations; another is acronymns.

However, as the excerpt above shows, less can sometimes be, well, less.

For those who don't know Realtor-speak, here is a translation of the verbiage above, taken from an actual listing:

The lower level Bedroom is non-conforming (it's not legally finished square feet because it's lacking the requisite 7 feet height, a closet, heat source, and/or egress window).

The lockbox is on the back door.

Highlights include a front porch; Craftsman woodwork; tiled bath; gleaming Maple floors.

Also: the heating, ventilation, and air conditioning were replaced in 2005; the oven in 2009.

There is a large walk-in closet.

Other highlights: a maintenance-free exterior; professional landscaping; and a gorgeous, three-season porch.

There is a workshop in the garage.

There!

That wasn't so hard . . . .

"MFOTH" - Defined

WTF??

If you're slightly dyslexic like I am, you can be temporarily thrown by the MLS category "MFOTH."

No, it's not what it sounds (a lot) like.

It stands for "Multi-Family, Other."

(And no, "BMF," "HMFIC," "BAMF," and "DTMF" have nothing to do with real estate.)

A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. (& C-A-P-I-T-A-L-I-Z-A-T-I-O-N) OVERLOAD

Translation, Please

WELL DESIGNED, STYLISH 2 STY CUSTOM BUILT IN 2005. MAPLE FLRS THRU-OUT LR, FRML DR, OFFICE & KIT. LUXURY SS APPLS-GRANITE CNTRS-CER TILE BATHS. 4 BR UP-MSTR HAS W-I CLST, WHRLPL TUB & SEP SHWR. SPKR SYS, PREM HVAC & SEC SYS. EGRESS WIND & R/I BA IN LL.

--new MLS listing (7/29/09)

I certainly admire the listing agent's intention: to cram in as much useful info about this home as possible, to entice prospective Buyers.

However, at some point, more is, well . . . less.

The all-block letters don't help either. As anyone who's used email for more than an hour knows, that is the online equivalent of screaming.

The preferred way (at least in my opinion) of telling the market about the home's various features is to list them in a supplement.

Everything But a Headline

If you don't know Realtor-speak, here is the same paragraph in plain English:

Well-designed, stylish 2-story custom-built in 2005. Maple floors throughout Living Room, formal Dining Room, Office & Kitchen. Luxury stainless steel appliances -- granite countertops, ceramic tile baths. Four bedrooms up -- master bedroom has a walk-in closet, whirlpool tub & separate shower. Speaker system; premium heating, ventilation, & air conditioning; & security system. Egress window & rough-in bathroom in lower level.

For the record, substituting "&" for "and" is fine . . .

P.S.: As a sum-up headline -- which the listing badly needs -- here's my suggestion: 'This House is Loaded!"