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Monday, December 6, 2010

"Dear Ben" (er, Santa Claus)

An Open Letter to the Federal Reserve Chairman

Dear Ben Bernanke (er, Santa Claus):

Speaking for millions of my fellow investors, I want to thank you for all your efforts to date, uh, "supporting" stock prices.

I/we are certainly better off for it (at least in the short run; in the long run, direct federal interference in markets is a terrible precedent).

However, perusing my portfolio, I can't help but notice a couple of laggards.

Specifically, my meager holdings in Wal-Mart, General Mills, and Procter & Gamble have all underperformed the market averages year to date.

So, as the Fed prepares to pump more money directly into debt and equity(?) markets, here is my 2010 Christmas "wish list" for what you should buy:

100 million shares of Wal-Mart
50 million shares of General Mills
50 million shares of Procter & Gamble

The above purchases will scarcely cost you $10 billion -- a veritable rounding error relative to your $1.5 trillion balance sheet.

Considering that these are all blue chip companies, there's no reason why you shouldn't make a profit on these investments, just like you say you did bailing out Wall Street.

In return, I promise to spend some of my new-found "wealth" stimulating the economy, thereby making your job easier.

So, you see, you're not just helping me, you're helping yourself.

"Win-win," as they say.


Ross Kaplan

P.S.: No need to wait for Christmas, if you're so inclined; it's Chanukah right now!

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